


Contradictions

by c_writes_stuff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:11:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_writes_stuff/pseuds/c_writes_stuff
Summary: Or: Lance and Keith share a love/hate relationship. How much love and how much hate is involved, however, is debatable - especially in a crisis.For Klangst week 2017!





	1. Who he used to be (Unrequited pining)

Lance had grown used to missing things by now.

He missed Havana, even with its stifling heat and frequent hurricanes. He missed the Garrison, even though he was an underachiever there at best. He especially missed his family, even though it was so large that he often felt invisible. And now, he had Shiro to miss as well, even though he was certain Shiro wouldn’t miss his antics at all.  
Lance could handle wrapping his head around these contradictions, even if they kept him awake far past when everyone else slept. But Keith, as per usual, had to make everything difficult. Because Shiro had been the one to leave, but Lance still found his mind wandering to Keith more often.

All the members of team Voltron had their ways of dealing with Shiro’s disappearance, though how well everyone was functioning widely varied. Allura rarely left the main computer anymore, except maybe to eat or sleep for an hour or two. The rest of her time was strictly devoted to running scans and attempting to pinpoint Shiro’s location. Pidge would often join her, now feverishly searching for three loves ones instead of two. Lance wasn’t sure where their matching puffy, bloodshot eyes came from - the exhaustion or the sobbing he often heard coming from the bridge.

Given Allura’s preoccupation with Shiro, Coran had taken it upon himself to be a bastion of order for everyone else. He was the one who now ran the drills, helped Hunk prepare the meals, made sure everyone got at east some rest and cracked the odd joke. The laughter he received got in return was often flat and hollow, but he remained unruffled. That is, if you weren’t paying attention. Lance would often catch Coran staring out the window into the vast darkness of space, his lips drawn into a thin line and brow uncharacteristically furrowed. His experience in battle had taught him to handle setbacks with optimism, but Lance suspected that Coran’s cheery mood was more than a little forced.

By contrast to Coran’s more contained approach, Hunk had turned into a cooking machine. Every chance he got, he would dash to the kitchen to churn out some variation of Coran’s green goo. He said he had to take all his fear and channel it into his art, and Lance didn’t mind as long as his friend was alright and he got to snag some extra goop parfaits once in a while. Hunk, as always, was a place Lance could turn to when he needed to feel a sense of normalcy again. If Lance had to be launched into space, he was glad to at least have Hunk with him.

Slav had taken to wandering aimlessly around the castle, rapidly coming up with increasingly depressing scenarios for where Shrio was now and his even more depressing odds of Shiro surviving said scenarios. Kolivan spent most of his time attending to the ship’s repairs, with either Coran’s or Allura’s (reluctant) assistance.  
Lance, for his part, was doing his best to seem unbothered. He was, after all, supposed to be the team sharpshooter, and sharpshooters didn’t lose their cool. Not publicly, anyway. Lance was careful to save the impossible questions and waves of homesickness (and all the contradictions that came with it) for the privacy of his bedroom. It was harder than ever, hiding the growing pit in his stomach and the dull ache in his chest, but Lance managed. Team Voltron had enough people falling apart; the last thing they needed was all of Lance’s baggage seeing the light of day. 

And then there was Keith. After they’d discovered Shiro’s empty helmet in Black’s cockpit, Keith had turned tail, marched up to the training arena, and started cutting down training robots. He didn’t stop until Coran marched in and switched off all the robots, and he was back at first thing in the morning, stopping only to eat the green goo he’d swiped from the kitchen. Every day since had been rinse and repeat. Keith was acting more and more like his robotic enemies after each session. Gone were Keith’s barbed comebacks, exasperated eye rolls and the brief moments of playfulness. Whenever Lance tried to bait him or pick a fight these days, all he got was a scowl and a cold shoulder, which stung more than Keith’s insults ever had.

Lance was torn between being patient with Keith and blowing up at him, just to get him to respond. Keith and Shiro had been so close, so Lance knew the separation couldn’t be easy on Keith. But the lack of emotion Keith displayed was truly worrying, because Lance had seen it before. After Lance’s abuela on his mom’s side had suddenly died a few years back (doctors blamed a massive stroke in her sleep), his little brother Daniel had locked himself in his room and hadn’t talked to anyone for two weeks. It took him several months and a whole lot of grief counselling to get back to his old self.

Of course, there weren’t too many therapists in space, nor was there much time to process everything. As Coran often reminded them, they had to assume that the Galra could attack at any time. Shiro and all the feelings that came with his disappearance were put on the back burner as they prepared for Black to select a new leader. (Allura had insisted it was better this way, and Black wouldn’t take too long. Keith, predictably, had not been impressed.)

It was strange and maddening. Lance spent nearly every waking hour as a swirling cocktail of emotions: longing for his life back home, guilt over wanting to go home while his team was in such a state, worry over Shiro, greater worry over Keith, and ever-present self-doubt lurking just beneath the surface.

Worse still, just yesterday, another feeling had been thrown into the mix. Lance had dropped by the training arena, partly to practice shooting and partly to make sure Keith hadn’t dropped of exhaustion. When he’d stepped in the door, Keith had been practicing hand-to-hand combat with a bot and thankfully showing no signs of flagging. Lance had opened his mouth to ask Keith if he could steal the arena for a couple hours… and said nothing.

Because Keith had been breathing hard and his cheeks were rosy. And his dark eyes had been alive and clearer than Lance had seen them in forever. And the sweaty shirt clinging to Keith’s back had given Lance a full view of his strong shoulders.

And Lance hadn’t been able to do much but stare.

Until Keith had started glaring back at him.

“What is it, Lance?” Lance’s stomach had flip-flopped and his entire face had felt hot, even though he hadn’t started exercising yet.

“N-nothing, I just wanted a turn with the arena.” Keith had given a small huff and folded his arms (had they always looked that toned?).

“Fine, I’ll be another fifteen doboshes. Deal?” he’d replied curtly. Lance slowly nodded.

“Deal.”

Keith had returned to wailing on the robot as if nothing had happened, while a massive realization had dawned on Lance.

Lance quickly left the arena, leaned against the wall and took several deep breaths. Keith was so close physically, but not mentally. He was so unemotional, and yet Lance was sure Keith was faking the cool guy act. And he was the same Keith as he’d ever been, but somehow his self-imposed exile had made him more… intriguing, to say the least. Lance rubbed his face and groaned.

Keith just had to make everything difficult.


	2. The same mistake (Mistakes)

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

If that was true, Keith was in deep by now. Because he kept making the same mistake over and over, and never seemed to learn. 

It started when he was a little kid. He didn’t remember his parents, but he must’ve loved them. He must have because of the way Pidge’s eyes sparkled whenever she talked her father’s adventures (though that childish excitement was tinted with sadness). He must have because of how Allura had to fight so hard to tear herself away from the mere image of her father, even though he was long dead and the malfunctioning A.I. had posed a critical threat to the entire castle. He must have because of how he’d overheard Lance - proud, surefooted Lance - getting all choked up about his mom’s hugs. 

It seemed like this was just how people were about their parents, so it naturally followed that Keith, in his earliest years, must have been the same way. Not that he’d ever know. Dad had died so long ago, and Mom had never really been in the picture (for reasons that were becoming clearer, given his newfound Galra heritage). 

He’d loved his parents, he must have - and now they were gone.

It continued as he moved from foster family to foster family, never sticking around for too long. The McCartneys were nice enough, but couldn’t really afford to look after him after Andrew McCartney got fired from his job at the bank. The Jacobsens took him in mainly for the government cheques, and while they were never outright cruel to him, they could never be bothered to be kind, either. They must’ve gotten tired of him eventually, because he was shipped off to the next thing. And the next. And the next. 

And yet - and yet - he couldn’t help but miss it all when he got into flight school. Maybe he had a fucked up idea of what family was meant to be like, but he missed the odd moments of happiness. Like the warm peanut butter cookies he’d helped the shy daughter of one of his foster homes make. Or when Anita McCartney gave him that sweet rosy-cheeked smile and said he could call her Mom. The Garrison was even lonelier. At the Garrison, there was no sense of “family” - you had a clique of friends you could stick to, or you didn’t. And Keith didn’t. 

Still, he’d managed to rise to the top. He’d become the best pilot in his class. He went through the motions, got his pats on the head. He still gained no friends, but he at least gained some respect and recognition. Keith began spending his time at an old shack outside of campus. It was his hideaway, a quiet oasis in an ocean of noise.

Until the Kerberos mission, that is. Until Keith started getting skeptical. Until he asked a few too many questions and found himself cast out. 

The shack, once just a hideout, became a strange sort of home. As he gathered information and started putting the pieces together, he found a new sense of purpose - Takashi Shirogane, and what had really happened to him. It was a new fire under his ass, a new drive.

Except for at night. Because when Keith slept, he felt a tug. It was small and almost unobtrusive, but there all the same. It pulled him deeper into the desert with a gentle but persistent force. For months, Keith subconsciously ignored it. 

Then one night, Takashi Shirogane crash landed back to Earth, and as luck would have it, straight into Keith’s backyard. But when Keith went to rescue the man he’d been looking for for months, he wasn’t alone. A trio of Garrison nuisances were there too - a big guy, a tiny nerd, and some loudmouth who introduced himself as Lance and acted insulted when Keith didn’t recognize him. And the tugging he’d felt in his dreams was suddenly yanking him away, towards a lonely cave in a lonely desert.

And before he knew it, he was riding a freaking blue robotic lion, being steered by loudmouth Lance McClain, and the little blue planet he’d spent his whole life on was shrinking in the distance. While the prospect of becoming something more than an orphan in a wood shack appealed to Keith, seeing Earth fall away from him still gave him a pang in his chest. Despite it all, he’d grown attached to his home planet. 

The pang in his chest was soon replaced by a dropped jaw and a sense of wonder as they entered the wormhole and arrived at Altea. As they discovered sentient alien life, other robot lions, and technology beyond even Keith’s wildest daydreams, that sense of wonder never really left. Not only that, Keith (in spite of himself) was warming up to his fellow Castle residents. 

Hunk, who he’d initially pegged as Lance’s beefy sidekick, turned out to be more intelligent, brave and loyal than Keith had ever anticipated. Pidge, despite being a few years younger and the smallest by a mile, was tough, stubborn, quick on her feet and most importantly, a fighter. Allura was strong, inside and out, and carried herself with grace. Coran, despite not being the best at instructional videos, was like everyone’s jolly, good-natured uncle. Shiro was just as heroic as Keith had imagined, but also far more human and vulnerable. In time Shiro became like the big brother Keith had never really had. But there was still one more…

Lance was by far the most difficult to figure out. Keith still wasn’t sure how he felt about that guy. One minute Lance would act like an arrogant, flirty jerk, and the next he would do something like emerge from a coma to shoot Sendak, or come up with a battle plan on the fly that would effectively take out the enemy without injuring the Balmera. It was like there were two Lances - one Keith couldn’t stand, and one Keith actually liked.

As time went on, Keith discovered that “jerk” Lance was actually pretty fun to annoy on purpose. Lance would produce such an overblown reaction that anything he did in retaliation was so worth it. Keith was still put off by Lance’s constant posturing, but it started to annoy him less and less. 

Naturally, Lance then had to become annoying in some other way. Maybe it was the stupid face masks, maybe it was the moisturizer, but Keith started noticing little things about Lance. Like how smooth his cheeks were. Or the little crook in his smile that made him look a little more “devil-may-care”. Or how Lance’s deep blue eyes twinkled when he was about to crack a joke Keith knew he would roll his eyes at. Lance’s brotherly behaviour towards Pidge. Lance’s sharp mind and drive to be the best. Lance.

It was inconvenient and distracting and too embarrassing for words, so Keith did what he did every time unwanted emotions swelled up inside: he denied them. He pushed down intrusive thoughts with kicks and punches, and hid the chinks in his armour behind crossed arms. It was a bit easier to be raw and uncontrolled around Shiro, or even Allura. But for the most part, Keith was not one to delve into his own feelings. 

But then Shiro went missing. And the game changed.

Another thing Keith had loved was gone, and he was done. He was done making the mistake of growing attached to things that wouldn’t last.

So he pushed all his grief and misery into a far corner of his mind, where they couldn’t distract him. He trained. And trained. And trained some more. Because the team still needed a leader. Black was still dark. And Shiro had wanted that leader to be Keith, but first, Keith had to be the best he could be - for himself, and the team that needed him. 

He’d already lost so much. But maybe if he got it together and took control, Shiro would be the last time.

If he had it his way, there would be no more mistakes.


	3. Awakening (Hurt/Comfort

He’d only been trying to help. He’d never meant for things to go the way that they had. But they were in this situation now, and there was no taking back what had happened.

Since Lance had started “noticing” Keith, he’d become more aware of Keith’s habits and schedule. Every night after dinner, Keith would consistently go away somewhere for hours, and Lance could never find him. At first Lance assumed Keith was heading back to the training arena, but when he came up to the training arena one night to practice, Keith wasn’t there. He wasn’t at the arena the next night either, or the night after that. As Lance practiced on his own, shooting darts of light at tiny targets, Keith remained stubbornly in his thoughts. He found he just couldn’t focus and so he went to bed, promising himself he’d get to the bottom of this sooner or later.

The next few nights, he knocked on Keith’s door, scouted around the main corridors, and even checked the ridiculous Altean swimming pool. As the watery ceiling above taunted him, Lance had to wonder why he was even doing this. He wanted to believe it was just boredom and idle curiosity, but doubt lingered in the back of his brain. Shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts, Lance continued his search. As he stepped out of the elevator, an idea struck him.

Coran always seemed to know what everyone was up to - why not ask him? Grinning, Lance set out to find his favourite Altean. 

Coran, as it turned out, was almost as hard to find as Keith. After searching for what felt like a quintant, Lance, sweaty and kind of tired, finally found him down by the crystal. Coran was facing the marvel of nature that powered their ship, brow furrowed thoughtfully. The crystal lit up the room softly, bathing Lance and Coran in a soft azure glow. Coran was so lost in his own head that he didn’t even notice Lance walk up and stand next to him. 

“Uh, Coran?” No reaction.

“Coran, hello?” Still nothing. Lance frowned. Was Coran ignoring him?

“Coran, hey!” Coran jumped and let out a yelp. As soon as he realized who it was, though, Coran laughed and clapped Lance on the shoulder.

“Lance! What brings you down here? Terrorizing your elders?” Lance laughed, but stared sheepishly at the ground. 

“Coran, can I ask you kind of a weird question?” Coran’s smile widened.

“Of course! What is it?”

“You know how Keith just up and disappears sometimes? Do you have any idea were he goes?”

Coran’s expression turned serious. 

“Why, may I ask, do you want to know?” Coran’s tone wasn’t accusatory, but Lance felt like he was being tested all the same.

“I-I don’t know. It’s just that Keith keeps going off by himself, and it’s kinda… concerning, I guess? It’s never a good sign when people just vanish for no reason.” Coran stroked his impressive moustache and tilted his head.

“So you’re worried about him, then.” Lance’s cheeks were getting warm again.

“I’m just - “ Coran interrupted him, a wry expression on his face.

“If you really want to know, he’s been heading down to the hangars. I saw him the other quintant as I was going down to help Hunk repair Yellow’s shield. But the thing is,” Coran dropped his voice to a whisper, as if trying to keep an eavesdropper from hearing. “Keith didn’t go down Red’s chute - he headed towards the Black lion. I think Keith’s trying to form a bond, so he can take over as leader.” 

Lance’s eyes widened. Of course that was where Keith was going. Ever since Shiro had disappeared, Keith had been focused solely on getting stronger, and this was why. Lance was a little embarrassed that he hadn’t gotten that sooner.  
Now that he knew what Keith had been doing - and maybe why he was so gloomy - Lance felt an urge to go see him. To check on him. To make sure he wasn’t falling apart under that stoic exterior.

“Thanks, Coran. You’re the best.” Lance turned to leave, but Coran caught him by the elbow. 

“Lance, just mind what you say to him. Keith seems quite on edge lately.” 

“Got it.” Coran released him and gave him a little nod.

Lance made his way down to the hangars, pondering what he would say. Hey Keith. Nice down here, isn’t it? So what’re you doing with the Black lion, huh? No matter what he said, it would sound awkward and nosey. But if he could gain some peace of mind about Keith, he’d push through that. He quietly slipped into Black’s zipline tunnel and tiptoed his way down, trying not to let his footsteps echo too much. After a lot of careful stepping and shimmying, he reached Black’s hangar.

Sure enough, Keith was sitting cross-legged in front of the massive metal beast. His back was ramrod straight, and his hands were clenched into fists atop his knees. His black training suit had noticeable armpit stains (in fact, Lance was pretty sure Keith had been wearing that jumpsuit for a few days now), and his hair had a dull, greasy sheen. When was the last time he’d showered, or gotten changed? 

Black may have been out of commission, but her particle shield was still fully active. Keith was right in front of it, as close as he could get. Clearly, despite Keith’s Herculean efforts, Black simply wasn’t opening up to him.

Suddenly Keith growled and slammed his fists into the barrier. Lance startled, but the outburst yielded no results. At this point, Lance felt a bit weird, just watching Keith without Keith knowing. He stepped forward and cleared his throat.

Keith’s head snapped to the side. As soon as he caught sight of Lance, his eyes narrowed. 

“Can I help you, Lance?” Judging by Keith’s tone, help would not be appreciated.

“I was, uh, looking for you, and I thought I’d check here…?” Lance swallowed hard. Keith was intimidating when he was ticked off (but also kind of hot). Keith sighed loudly and turned back to face the lion.

“Well, you found me, alright? We done?” Lance flinched, a little stung and more than a little annoyed. He set his jaw.

“No, we are not done, Keith. You should seriously go bathe or something.” Keith scowled.

“Oh, so this is why you’re here, huh? To give me hygiene advice? Don’t think I need that from the face mask poster boy.” Lance could feel irritation blooming inside his chest.

“That’s not what I meant! You need to actually take care of yourself instead of disappearing after every dinner to go sit in front of a lion that clearly won’t listen to you!” Shit. Shit, that came out wrong. Keith whirled to his feet and stood toe to toe with Lance, dark eyes drilling into blue.

“Black will listen to me, Lance. She has to. How do you expect me to be the leader of she won’t? She can’t stay down here forever.” Lance thought that Black could and would do what she damn well pleased, but he managed to keep those thoughts to himself. His face must’ve betrayed him, though, because Keith’s stare turned downright venomous. He stepped to the side and gestured to Black.

“You think you can do better? Try it.” Lance hesitated at first, but then made his way over to the robot. He stopped in front of the particle barrier. He turned back to look at Keith, who crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow. What the hell, Lance thought. Maybe I should see how hard this is, just to get an idea of what Keith’s been up against. 

Lance shut his eyes and focused on Black. He tried to relax and breathe and remember the lessons that Allura had taught him about connecting with Blue. For a few moments, there was only a heavy silence. 

And then Lance felt another mind brush up against his. It was gentle, but undeniably there. Lance opened his eyes. Black hadn’t outwardly changed. The barrier remained intact. With a trembling hand, Lance put a palm to the barrier.

Almost immediately, it went down, dissolving like trails of dust into air. The gentle presence touched Lance’s consciousness again, and Lance could suddenly feel an outpouring of emotions from Black: joy, anguish, nervousness, and most of all, excitement. You found me, she said without words. Welcome. Her eyes glowed blue, and for the first time in forever, she stood on all fours and looked down at her paladin.

Lance, for his part, was about to wet his pants.

Him? All these strong, courageous, selfless people on this ship and Black had chosen him? He couldn’t deny that he’d fantasized about being the leader, about being someone important. But now it was real, and had no idea what to do. Lance stared up at Black in shock and awe. 

Until he remembered Keith. Keith. Oh no.

Slowly, Lance turned around. 

Keith was staring at him, eyes round in disbelief. For a few moments they both said nothing. Then Keith let out a small, defeated sigh.

“I guess you were right. She won’t listen to me after all.” And with that, Keith walked back into the tunnel. Lance didn’t miss the gloved hand he wiped across his cheek. Lance started after him, and Keith broke into a run, sprinting back to the main part of the ship.

“Keith, wait!” But Keith just ran after, until Lance just couldn’t keep up.

When Lance finally reached the end of the tunnel, lungs heaving, Keith was long gone. Lance twisted his hands in his hair and groaned. He had only been trying to help, dammit, and now he’d gone and made everything worse. He had to find someone to help him deal with this. Someone… diplomatic. Spinning on his heel, Lance made his way towards the bridge.

————————————————

Allura bounced up and down with excitement when he told her. Her eyes were still bloodshot, but her smile was bright enough to light up a galaxy. Lance hadn’t seen her this happy since before their duel with Zarkon. At least he was able to make someone feel better.

“Lance, this is wonderful, really! Now that the Black Lion is in operation, we have the ability to form Voltron again!” She placed a hand on his shoulder, like Coran had earlier. “I know we were all expecting Keith to take up the mantle, but I for one am just glad we don’t have to search the galaxy for a new black paladin.” Lance bit his lip.

“But what about Blue? Someone needs to fly her, and she’ll get lonely without a paladin.”

“I’m sure one of us crew members can serve as a temporary pilot for her. It’s only until we find Shiro - I’m sure she’ll understand.” Lance looked down at his shoes. It was tough, imagining someone else flying Blue, but this was how it had to be. Until they found Shiro.

But Blue wasn’t the only one on Lance’s mind.

“Allura, Keith was there. He was trying so hard to connect with Black. I went in there to try and help him feel better, and I royally screwed that up.” Allura’s fierce gaze softened.

“He will be disappointed for a while, Lance. I know you must feel guilty, but this was always inevitable. In time, I am confident Keith will accept you as the rightful interim leader of Voltron, but only when he’s ready.” Lance nodded uncertainly, trying to convince himself that it would be alright.

“In the meantime, though, you should tell everyone else!” Allura clapped her hands together and danced over to the main computer. “I’ll call an urgent assembly!” Lance stared out the window, at the points of light far across the darkness. He already knew that Keith wouldn’t come.


	4. Hard impact (Death/Injury)

Lance looked at the faces of the crew. Most of them looked exhausted (Pidge in particular - the squares indented into her cheek told Lance that she’d passed out on her keyboard). Slav was as fidgety as ever, twiddling his many thumbs and muttering under his breath. Kolivan’s face was unreadable - Lance could never tell what that guy was thinking - but even his shoulders were somewhat slumped. He should probably make this quick. Lance cleared his throat, and the room went dead silent. Every eye darted to him. Lance suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious.

“So, um, you’re all probably wondering why Allura called you all here,” he started.

“Well, yeah,” grumbled Pidge. “Where’s the emergency? Also, where’s Keith? He’s usually Mr. Punctuality.”

“There is no emergency,” said Allura. “Lance just has some exciting news to share with the team.” She nodded to him.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Lance took a deep breath. “The Black lion chose me as its new paladin.” 

Gasps and “what?”s resounded around the room. Lance continued, mouth completely dry.

“So, as of today, I’m the leader until Shiro gets back.” Hunk raised his hand, as if they were still at the Garrison. Lance vaguely gestured to him.

“If you’re Black’s paladin - which is super cool, by the way! - who’s going to pilot Blue?” Lance opened his mouth, and then shut it. He didn’t know. After a few moments of silence, Allura tentatively raised her hand as well. Lance, feeling even more out of place than before, pointed to her.

“I had an idea,” said Allura. “Blue is the most adaptable lion, and also the friendliest. I am confident that Blue will accept one of the crew members as a temporary pilot.” Slav’s fidgeting intensified, and he shot Lance a panicked look.

“I have no interest in that, thank you!” he shrieked. Lance nodded, trying not to visibly cringe at Slav’s high pitch. How did Shiro deal with it all the time?

“No one has to pilot Blue if they don’t want to. But if anyone who doesn’t already have a lion wants to try, they can feel free. Now,” Lance braced himself. “Are there any other questions?” Thankfully, no other hands were raised. Count the small blessings, as his Mom would say. “Alright, good. Pidge and Hunk, you can go get some sleep - you both need it. And actually sleep, because we’ll be talking strategy tomorrow.” The worn out paladins nodded in unison and started to walk out the door. Just as they were about to leave, Hunk stuck his head back in.

“Hey Lance, should I tell Keith about this?” Lance sighed and shook his head.

“Nah, he already knows. I’ll talk to him later.” Hunk still seemed confused, but he nodded again and went after Pidge. Lance squared his shoulders and turned back to the rest of his crew. 

“Slav, you’re dismissed. Go… do whatever it is your species does to relax. If the rest of you are interested in piloting Blue, follow me to the hangar.” 

.

Lance woke up the next quintant feeling better then he had in a while. He’d actually slept for eight vargas, he had come up with a plan to reform Voltron with Allura’s help, and best of all, Blue had a new paladin. 

She hadn’t exactly been pleased when Lance and the crew arrived. It had taken a good varga for Lance to persuade her to even lower her particle barrier. She felt upset, and betrayed, and she would miss Lance a lot. As excited as he was to pilot Black, Lance felt a tug on his heart even now. Black was a formidable machine, but Blue had chosen him first, when she’d had her pick of the paladins. That meant more to Lance than he cared to admit.

Fortunately, once Lance wore her down with promises to visit her as often as he could, the actual selection process hadn’t taken too long. As soon as Coran had stepped up, Blue’s eyes had glowed, and she’d let out a growl of approval. Coran’s hands went to his head, and he’d turned around to look at Lance in sheer wonder. 

“It didn’t realize it was like this.”

As Lance got dressed, he smiled at the memory. Blue was in good hands with Coran, and they’d get along great. It made him feel way better about having to switch lions.

When Lance reached the dining hall, though, his good mood soured. The whole team was sitting around the table, plates stacked high with green pancakes in front of every chair, but Keith was nowhere to be found. Lance frowned and turned to Kolivan, who he was pretty sure Keith couldn’t injure if he tried. 

“Kolivan, would you mind getting Keith? We’ll be discussing strategies for reforming Voltron with our new set of paladins, and he kind of has to be here.” Kolivan grunted, stood, and marched off to the barracks. Lance took the seat at the head the table, normally reserved for Shiro, and looked out on his expectant teammates. Hunk and Pidge, to his relief, looked fully awake for the first time in weeks. Allura seemed well rested too, and even Slav was wringing his hands less than usual. Coran, in his new blue uniform, beamed at him from down the table. He was their leader now - these people depended on him. Lance took a deep breath, and jumped in.

“Okay, guys. I know it drove us crazy the first time around, but a lot of today will be focused on team building and reforming Voltron. Coran and I especially have a lot of work to do, since we haven’t had the chance to properly bond with our lions yet. Allura and I talked about it, and we’ll spend three vargas doing bonding and focus exercises, have lunch, and then spend another four vargas doing combat and team building exercises. Allura and I will take turns leading them. Any questions?”

“Ageh, ‘ere de ‘eck is Keef?” asked Pidge through a mouthful of pancake. “We “inda ‘eed de ‘ole ‘eam.”

“I agree, Pidge,” said Allura. She folded her hands together on the table. “But Keith has been going through some… challenges… lately. He needs time to process everything that has happened in the past little while.” Pidge swallowed and frowned.

“Is this about Lance being leader? I mean, we all kind of assumed whoever Shiro picked would be Black’s pick too, but that’s not how it turned out. Keith can be disappointed, but now he’s holding back Voltron from being complete. That’s not fair to the rest of us. Besides, I’m sure Lance won’t completely mess it up.” She shot a cheeky grin in Lance’s direction. Hunk nodded in agreement.

“Pidge is right. Lance is our leader now, and Coran’s our blue paladin, and they’re gonna do great! Once we work out the kinks, I bet we’ll be running smooth as a well oiled engine.” He gave Lance and Coran small smiles. Lance felt a warm tingle in his chest. He honestly hadn’t expected this much support. 

“Thanks, you two. Now we should really - “ Lance was cut off as the ship suddenly filled with the sound of wailing sirens and the red warning lights started flashing across the walls. Shit. Breakfast would have to wait. Allura leapt from her seat.

“To the bridge, everyone! We need to see what’s going on.” Lance and the others sprinted across the castle. He felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. When they arrived, Keith was already there, facing the window and watching the ship that loomed outside of it. It wasn’t Galra. It was too small and too brown, with bulky cannons mounted on either side and an even larger main cannon in the front. On the main computer screen, a line of text pulsed in bright green. Allura translated from the Altean. 

“Lance, it says ‘Ship #232 of planet Neflion requests to speak with you’.” Lance swallowed, his throat suddenly very dry. He hadn’t known that they were close to civilized planets, and judging by Allura’s surprised expression, she hadn’t either. Coran scratched his head in confusion.

“I don’t understand, Princess. We have no Planet Neflion in our records.” 

“Well,” replied Allura, “We were in stasis for a long time, Coran. I suppose it shouldn’t be too surprising that new civilizations have been created in the past ten thousand years. They’re probably as baffled by us as we are by them.” Pidge hummed in assent.

“That makes a lot of sense. We should try talking to them, then. They haven’t fired on the castle yet, so that’s a good sign, right?” Everyone nodded, except Keith, who finally turned to face Lance and spoke.

“I say we open up a wormhole and leave. We can’t let diplomacy distract us from our real objective, which is finding Shiro.” Keith’s dark eyes drilled holes into Lance. “And maybe they haven’t fired on us yet because they’re spies for the Galra Empire and trying to get information about us. You ever think of that? We can’t trust every strange alien species we meet!” After he finished, the bridge fell silent. All heads turned to Lance. Lance slowly moved over to the main computer, trying to stall while he made up his mind. On one hand, adding another planet to the Voltron Alliance would be a step forward, and they would need more supplies soon. On the other hand, Keith’s concerns (callously as they were delivered) were perfectly reasonable. They’d had seemingly friendly aliens turn on them before, and they’d already lost one paladin - Lance had no desire to lose another. Then again, if they didn’t accept the invitation to talk, the aliens might take that as hostility and and strike first. Maybe if they just talked aboard the ships, and gave away as little information as possible, it would be alright. Lance turned to Allura.

“Allura, you know how to do this better than I do. Could you punch in the code?” Allura nodded resolutely and went to stand beside Lance. Ignoring Keith’s withering gaze, Lance watched the screen go from fuzzy static to a clear image of the inside of a foreign ship. The bridge looked cramped and dark, and he couldn’t see anyone inside. 

Then, like a mirage on the deserts back on Earth, a tall, muscular alien rippled into view. Its scaly hide was spotted grey and green, and four red eyes blinked at him. Lance thought privately that it looked like the lizard version of Lord Voldemort. It opened its mouth and spoke in a low, throaty voice.

“You are intruding in Neflionite territory. Explain yourselves.” Lance straightened up, trying to look as leaderly as possible.

“Sorry about the intruding thing, but we honestly had no idea you were here,” explained Lance. “This is a really old ship that just started flying again, and your people are new enough to not have been put in the records.” The Neflionite squinted at Lance suspiciously.

“It seems oddly convenient that a ship with no record of our species should stumble across one of the most well-concealed independent planets in the galaxy, if not the cosmos.” The Neflionite leaned forward. “We do not trust strangers around here - there are too many spies. So it comes to this. Either you allow us to board your ship and interrogate the crew to ensure none of you are Galra agents, or we assume you are spies and destroy you.” Allura’s hands tightened around the main computer. 

“If you do not want us here, we understand,” she ventured cautiously. “But due to some, er, precious cargo aboard the ship, we cannot allow you to board us. And frankly, I do not trust you to not hurt me and my crew mates. Can we not simply leave in peace?”

“Absolutely not!” thundered the Neflionite. “You have Neflion’s location now, and I will not have you hand that information over to Zarkon. Final warning: allow us to board, or prepare to be obliterated.” Allura didn’t reply - she just looked at Lance. Lance steeled himself for what was to come, and looked back up at the Neflionite defiantly. 

“No.” Lance switched off the link and the scaly alien vanished. Lance turned to face his wide-eyed team and immediately began issuing orders. “Allura, focus on getting us out of here. Activate our shields and open up a wormhole, pronto! Slav and Kolivan, do whatever Allura says! Paladins, to your lions!” Everyone scrambled to their positions. As the paladins raced to the hangar, Keith caught up to Lance and opened his mouth to say something. Lance already figured he knew what it was, and he was right. 

“Lance, you’re an idiot. A massive fucking idiot. We should’ve just left!” Keith spat. Unable to suppress his irritation, Lance glowered back at Keith. 

“Look, I was being diplomatic, okay? Unlike somebody, I like to think before I charge into battle!” Keith’s expression turned downright outraged, and he was about to yell something back in Lance’s face before Hunk hollered from behind them, “Guys! Less talking, more moving!”. Both boys clamped their mouths shut and continued running, glaring at each other. 

Once they made it to the hangars, Keith threw one last jab in. “Hope you don’t get somebody killed, black paladin.” The last two words were dripping with contempt. He was gone before Lance could snipe back. Hunk caught up to Lance and tapped Lance’s shoulder. 

“Lance, buddy, we gotta go.” Lance blinked hard, and nodded. “Right.”

.

Lance settled into Black’s seat, getting used to the darker interior. Black, sensing his anxiety, tried to soothe him with a hum of encouragement. They weren’t bonded well enough yet that they could fully communicate their feelings, but Lance got the gist and patted the dashboard affectionately. 

“Okay girl, let’s get them moving.” Black stood and roared, and the other lions roared in turn. Lance switched on the com link and started explaining his strategy.

“Alright, everyone, you mostly know what to do. Coran, you and I will act as the distraction and draw enemy fire. Get in close and inflict some damage to the front and sides, but only after we’ve got an idea of what their weapons can do. Pidge, switch on that cloaking device and fire from below at said weapons. Keith, get behind that ship and try to take out their engines. Hunk, you help out Keith and Pidge, and keep an eye out for any more incoming ships. As soon as Allura opens that wormhole, we retreat to the castle. Any questions?” 

“Nope.”

“None here.”

“I’m ready!” Lance cracked a smile at Coran’s enthusiasm. Keith stayed silent. 

“Then let’s go!” One by one, the lions flew out of the hangar, and into the firefight.

. 

At first, things seemed to be going well. Coran wasted no time in covering the front of the ship in a thick layer of ice, making visibility nigh impossible. Pidge quickly located the blasters and set about making them target practice. The castle’s defences were up and running. Lance could see flashes of orange against the night as Keith fired on the engines, and for a few moments, everything was going according to plan. 

Until Lance heard Hunk’s panicked voice in his ear.

“Lance, company at ten o’clock!” Sure enough, a large fleet of dark ships was headed in their direction. Lance cursed and switched on the com link to all channels. 

“Team, we got a fleet headed our way from the left. Allura, take the charge down the center. Coran, Pidge, take the right side. Hunk and I will come from the left. Keith, stay here and take out main command. All good?” A chorus of “yeah!”s resounded in Lance’s ears. “Then let’s take ‘em out!” 

Lance and Hunk flew at the fleet and banked left. Hunk activated his back cannon and flew along the side of the fleet, leaving fiery explosions in his wake. Lance activated the jaw blade and tore apart the hulls of any ships Hunk missed. Across the fleet, Lance could see bursts of white light as Keith and Pidge launched their assault. The castle of lions bore down upon the army, rapidly firing into the ships. Black was exceedingly helpful, sending him bits of advice about which ships to take out in what order. She was collected and methodical, which wasn’t Lance’s usual approach, but he marvelled at how efficient she made him.

Lance’s admiration for his new partner was cut short by Keith shouting over the com link. “Red requesting backup, I repeat, requesting backup!” 

“Keith? What’s going on?” asked Lance.

“I’m cornered and I need help!” Keith sounded more afraid than Lance had ever heard him. The powerful urge to help Keith that he’d felt before resurfaced with a vengeance. Deciding to ignore the implications of that for now, Lance flew off to the side of the battle.

“Hold on. Hunk, can you handle things here on your own?” After Hunk gave the affirmative, Lance turned Black around and sped towards the Red lion. Keith was surrounded on all sides by main command and several smaller ships, which were taking turns firing on him. Keith frantically dodged their blasts, but the circle was getting smaller by the second. Soon there’d be nowhere to go. Lance’s heart hammered in his chest. A shot grazed Red’ tail and Lance swore it skipped a beat. He raised the tail laser and blasted two ships to smithereens before the others could respond. Keith seized the opening and flew out of the circle to join Lance. Side by side, the two lions fired on the Nelfionite ships relentlessly, taking out all but main command. A relieved Lance opened the mouth cannon to finish the job, but suddenly felt the compelling need to turn around. Lance frowned. 

“Black?” Black turned her head around until Lance could see behind them. Lance looked out the window and his stomach dropped. Directly behind Keith was one of the smaller ships, which they’d somehow missed. And its main cannon was nearly fired up. There was no time to stop the ship. There was no time to do anything except ram into Red as hard as he could and brace for impact.

“What the - LANCE!” Keith’s cry over the com link was the last thing Lance heard before the riptide of light and searing agony. Lance felt himself fly from his seat before feeling nothing at all.


	5. Bring him home (Secrets)

It didn’t feel real.

The castle was still gunning down the last of the enemy ships. The battle raged on, but for Keith, none of it mattered. He stared at the Black lion in shock. It had taken a direct hit from the laser cannon. It drifted in front of him, in the antigravity of space, eyes dark and a hole punched clean through the head. Like a hole puncher through paper. 

It had all happened so damn fast. One second he was beside Lance, taking down the enemy and feeling cocky, and the next, Lance’s raw, guttural screams were echoing in his skull. 

There was a faint chattering on the com link. It seemed muffled and unreal, but the voices were recognizable. They were talking, Keith realized. His crew mates. Talking to him. Words and sentences. Keith numbly switched off the com link and stared. Then he noticed something. 

Black’s mouth was wide open. She must’ve used her last bit of conscious will to do that. And if her mouth was open…

Keith leaned forward and looked around frantically. Where was Lance? Had he floated out of the cockpit, or was he still inside? Was he injured badly? Was he… Keith ended that line of questioning before he could panic. Then he spotted Lance.

Lance was floating outside the Black lion, a good hundred meters away. His helmet seemed intact, but even from a distance, his warped chest plate was evident. Could Lance even breathe? What if his ribs had been crushed? Had the melting chest plate burned his skin? Keith took a shuddering breath and turned on the com link. Hunk’s voice immediately filled his ears.

“-’s not talking to us, we don’t… we don’t know how Keith’s doing.” Hunk sounded rough and froggy, like he was barely holding himself together, and Keith felt a stab of guilt. 

“Hunk, I’m okay,” said Keith, his own voice shaky and exposed. “But Lance definitely isn’t. He’s outside of Black, and his suit is in rough shape.”

“Just how rough are we talking?” Pidge’s voice was hard and jagged, like shattered glass. Keith swallowed hard and switched the com link to only the main castle.

“I’m gonna go get Lance. Allura, the pods treat burns, right?” He heard Allura’s sharp inhale.

“Yes Keith, I believe they do. Just get Lance inside right now.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Slowly, Keith flew Red over to Lance’s floating form. Lance looked even worse up close. His limbs hung beside his body listlessly, and his head drooped to the side. Keith had never seen him so still and lifeless. Red opened her mouth, and Keith gently pulled Lance inside his lion. Sensing that he couldn’t focus on anything else right then, Red turned and flew them towards the castle. Keith gave her a silent thank you and turned his full attention to Lance.

The first thing Keith did was remove Lance’s helmet and check his vitals. He pressed trembling fingers to Lance’s jugular vein, and nearly fainted from relief when he felt Lance’s heartbeat beneath his warm skin. Hope rising like a balloon in his chest, Keith moved on to Lance's breathing. Puffs of air from between Lance’s lips tickled his palm, so Lance was still taking in oxygen. Keith leaned against the wall and, like he’d done before, took Lance into his arms and cradled him. No matter how hard he tried, his eyes kept returning to Lance’s sunken chest plate. Keith closed his eyes and listened to the soft humming of Red’s computer system and Lance’s slow, deep breaths. He listened as Red flew them ever closer to safety.

“Keith, how is he?” Allura’s warm voice buzzed in his ear. 

“Alive, thankfully. But we’ll have a better idea of how he’s doing once we get his chest plate off.”

“All right. Practically all the ships are destroyed, so I’ll lower the barrier and let you bring him in. Hunk and Coran, tow in the Black lion. Paladins, to the castle! We’re making the jump.” 

When Keith brought Lance into the hangar, Kolivan was there to meet him. Kolivan scooped up Lance like he weighed nothing and carried Lance to the healing pods, Keith trailing behind him. Once they arrived, Kolivan carefully cut Lance’s chest plate open and peeled back the dented metal and the under layers of clothing. 

What lay beneath was a mass of scarlet, blistered skin where the laser beam had warped the metal. Some of Lance’s shirt couldn’t even be removed, as it had stuck to to the fluid seeping from the burns. Lance had pushed Keith away from the right side, so his right shoulder had taken the brunt of the blast. The skin there was pale and tough, and the sight made Keith feel like he’d been kicked in the chest. Pale skin after a burn was never good. Darkening bruises marked his neck and chest. Kolivan looked up at Keith.

“My knowledge of human anatomy is limited. How severe are his injuries?” Keith opened his mouth to answer, but found he could make no sound. His vision began to swim and he braced his hands on his knees so stay steady. Kolivan “hmm”ed and stood up. 

“Can you stay here with him while I retrieve one of the Alteans? They know how to handle this better than I.” Keith nodded stiffly. He vaguely heard Kolivan’s retreating footsteps but his mind was too busy focusing on every little detail of Lance’s injuries. The blister on his collarbone had burst and was weeping clear, watery fluid. The skin on his shoulder didn’t change colour when Keith pressed a finger to it. Even more worrying, he’d been knocked out for several minutes now. Keith cradled Lance’s head on his lap and tried to focus again on Lance’s breathing.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up.. Coran’s unusually grim face looked back at him.

“He really took a hit, didn’t he?” Keith swallowed and nodded. Coran knelt down to inspect Lance’s injuries. He surveyed Lance’s burns and bruises. He clicked his tongue a few times when he saw Lance’s shoulder. 

“Well, the good news is, it looks like the laser didn’t hit him directly. Very close, but not quite. However, he will need extensive time in the healing pod, and I must prepare him for stasis. Keith, I’ve got to ask you to leave now.” Keith started to protest, but Coran held up a palm. 

“I need to be able to fully concentrate on the task at hand. That’s easiest to do when I have no other people around to distract me.” Coran made eye contact with Keith, and Keith was taken aback by the amount of pain he saw in them. “I care about Lance too. So I want to make sure I do this right. Go rest for now - I’ll let you know once he’s in the pod.” Keith nodded. Coran knew better than almost anyone what to do.

Keith made his way to his room in a daze. When he opened the door, he collapsed onto his bed and couldn’t hold anything back anymore. His fear for Lance’s safety, the confusing mix of feelings he held for Lance, the affection for Lance that he could finally acknowledge was there, his grief over Shiro that he’d never really processed - it all came rushing out in a flood of tears and heavy sobs. Why had he been so cold towards Lance before? Why had he gotten himself pinned but the enemy? And why, why did Lance always have to rush in and help him? Someone passing by the door could’ve heard, but Keith didn’t care. He clung to his pillow like a lifeline and buried himself under the blankets and slowly, very slowly, drifted into unconsciousness. 

 

————

 

Keith woke up many quintants later to a knock at the door. He blinked his still damp eyes and groaned, electing to ignore it But the knocking became louder and so insistent that Keith couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there anymore. Pushing back the bedsheets with a growl, Keith stomped over to the door and yanked it open. Standing outside, fist raised mid-knock, was a concerned looking Pidge, overshadowed by a teary-eyed Hunk. Hunk carried a tray of goo cookie in his hands. Pidge looked up at him. 

“Keith, we want to talk to you. We heard you crying last night, and we know this must be hard on you,” she said. Keith frowned.

“Well, I think it hasn’t been easy for any of us.” Hunk and Pidge shared a knowing look, and Hunk sighed.

“Keith, as much as you pretend to hate Lance, we think it’s quite the opposite.” Hunk gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s cute, actually.” Keith blushed furiously. He seriously considered slamming the door in their faces, right then and there. But Hunk continued. “Pidge and I care about him, too. He’s my best friend.” Pidge nodded.

“Yeah, he’s like my goofy older brother. So you can talk to us about him, if you want.” Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t thrilled that his secret was out - mortified was more like it - but maybe he did need to talk to someone about Lance. Someone else who cared about Lance as much as he did. Anything to avoid another night of crying so hard he couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, fine. Come in.”


	6. Voltron means family (Voltron)

Keith, Hunk and Pidge each took a seat on the blank floor of Keith’s bedroom, forming a triangle in the center of the room. Keith stared at the ceiling, while Pidge stared at Keith, while Hunk stared at the floor. For several beats no one spoke. Then Pidge heaved a sigh.

“So… Lance.” Hunk and Keith looked at her, anticipating more. Once Pidge had a thought and started rolling with it, she didn’t typically stop. Pidge took another deep breath and continued.  
“I just wanted to say that this has been such an awful time. Matt and my dad were bad enough, but now Shiro too? And Lance isn’t gone, thanks to Keith, but he could have been. He was so close to leaving us. That straight up terrifies me. Nothing feels safe or permanent anymore. Voltron was like family to me, and now this one is falling apart too.” Pidge took off her glasses and wiped her eyes. Hunk rested a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, I get that. I mean, I don’t know what it’s like to lose my first family, but man, watching Voltron fall apart feels like I’m losing my family. You and me and Lance - I felt so close to you guys at the Garrison.” Pidge smiled tightly. Hunk went on. “And then, when we met Shiro and Keith, and then Allura and Coran, everything just felt right. Sure, we don’t all get along all the time, especially a certain duo.” Keith rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hold back a grin. “But we’ve all got each other’s backs, y’know? When it counts. That’s not something I want to see end, what we’ve got on this ship and with Voltron.” Keith’s guests looked at him, waiting for his speech. Keith suddenly felt very small, and very sad. But they’d gone first - it was only fair that he spilled his too.

To tell it properly, they needed to know everything, from the beginning.

“So, my history of, uh, things falling apart goes back pretty far.” Keith spent who knew how long on the details of his childhood: the dead dad, the missing mom, being passed from home to home, never truly knowing family for most of his life. Being seen but not cared about at the Garrison. Being kicked out and focusing on Shiro to deal with it. It was going surprisingly well until he got to Voltron.

“Honestly, it’s like Hunk said. We started out a little rough-“ Pidge giggled.

“I’ll say, Cheer Captain.” Keith rolled his eyes at her good-naturedly and continued.

“Anyway, we started out as not the best, but over time, we learned to function as a team. And as I spent more time with everybody, I…” Keith trailed off. It was hard to put it into words. Voltron was everything he had. He’d found family and a purpose here. Now, that family and purpose were jeopardy, and Keith had no idea how to fix it. He looked up at the faces of his fellow paladins. They looked concerned, but also empathetic. They of all people knew what Keith was talking about. Hunk nodded.

“You realized you liked us, which you weren’t expecting. Am I right?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly right.” Pidge’s face took on an impish expression.

“Bet you really weren’t expecting Lance, huh?” Keith flushed again, and Hunk gave a Pidge a chastising tap on the arm. 

“C’mon, Pidge.” Pidge crossed her arms and scowled playfully at Hunk. 

“What? This is a part of the whole emotions deal. He’s gotta talk about this, too!” Keith cleared his throat and the other two fell silent. 

“Pidge is right, I guess. You’re right: these feelings I have for Lance came totally out of the left field. Before this, I’d never felt this way about anybody - which I know everybody says about the person they, ah, like. But it’s true. Before Lance, the only person I’d ever like was this guy at the Garrison…” Keith paused. Man, he was about to get it for this.

“Do we… know this boy?” Pidge leaned forward, eyes gleaming with interest. Keith put his head in his hands.

“Don’t fucking judge me, but my stupid brain decided on Liam Dresden.” Pidge whooped with delight, and Hunk’s jaw dropped, absolutely scandalized.

“Liam DRESDEN? As in, the cocky jerk who swaggered around the Garrison like he owned the place?” 

“Yes, Hunk, THAT Liam. Not. My. Idea.” Pidge snickered.

“Well, Liam probably kind of did, seeing as his dad makes frequent donations to the Garrison. Smarmy idiot could probably buy out everyone there. And Keith liiiiiiked him!”

“It wasn’t the same, though. It was purely about his looks - I knew his personality was terrible. Lance, shockingly, isn’t like Liam.” clarified Keith.

“So, you like Lance for his personality?” asked Hunk. Keith shrugged bashfully, feeling his ears getting warm once again.

“Yeah, actually. Lance can be stubborn, and a bit of a diva, but he’s brave. He has our backs when we need him. And he works so hard to be his best.” 

“And he’s cute, right?” prodded Pidge. Keith sighed and stared at the ceiling.

“Remind me why I decided to talk to you two again.” Pidge full on belly laughed, and Hunk chuckled and shook his head at her. Keith looked back at them and felt a warm glow in his chest. Why had he separated himself from these people for so long? “Fine, Lance is… cute, I suppose. I’m pretty worried about him, though. Coran says he’ll live, but he’s in rough shape.” Pidge tilted her head curiously.

“After we made the wormhole jump, Hunk and I went to see Lance, but Coran wouldn’t let us. Keith, just how bad is he?” Keith bit his lip. This would be hard, but they deserved to know. 

“When that laser punched through Black’s head - and this would’ve been a powerful fucking laser to do that - Lance didn’t take a direct hit. However, he was close enough that the heat from the laser partially melted his chest plate.” Hunk and Pidge’s eyes went huge. “The chest plate gave him some nasty burns, which thankfully weren’t as bad as they could’ve been, thanks to the insulating layer beneath the metal. But his shoulder got the worst of it, and he also has some bruising from when Black forcefully ejected him from his seat. So, yeah. He’s pretty lucky to be alive, but I really don’t know if his shoulder will ever heal right.” His eyes burned and he pulled his knees up to his chest.

To his surprise, Pidge scooted over to him and wriggled her arms through Keith’s and around his waist. A little stunned, Keith put a stiff arm around her shoulder. Hunk followed suit from the other side, putting his own arm around Keith’s shoulders and pulling him close. Keith swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke. 

“Uh, guys? I’m not falling apart right here and now.” said Keith hoarsely. Hunk scoffed.

“Please, tough guy. You don’t have to be okay around us. Your role model disappeared, and now the guy you like is basically on life support. Just accept our brotherly slash sisterly love.” Keith snorted, but somehow he didn’t feel like pulling away. Maybe group hugs were nice, every once in a while. He leaned against Hunk’s shoulder and shut his eyes, soaking in the warmth. After several doboshes, Pidge lifted her head and spoke.

“I’m about to get mushy, so you boys had better not laugh. You two ever seen Lilo and Stitch?” Keith and Hunk looked at each other and nodded to her. “Remember what Lilo and Nani’s family motto is?”

“‘Ohana means family. And family means no one gets left behind or forgotten,’” recited Hunk. “I watch a lot of kids’ movies with my little sisters.”

“I think we can all agree that that’s what Voltron means. We don’t leave each other behind. When somebody gets hurt or goes missing, we look out for them. And nobody ever gets forgotten, even when they go all emo and don’t talk to anybody for weeks and live at the training arena.” Pidge smiled at Keith. “So don’t even think about it, pal. You’re stuck with us.” Well fuck. If Keith hadn’t been crying before, he was now. He wiped his cheeks and felt his face forming a silly grin.

“Thanks, you mushy losers.” 

“Oh, you’re one to talk, emo boy!” retaliated Pidge. Hunk’s grip on both of them tightened.

“So you’ll talk to us next time you feel down, right Keith?” Keith slowly nodded. 

“Thanks Hunk. You too, Pidge. I’ll at least try next time. But, you know, us emo kids find it hard to talk about our feelings. We prefer writing them into poems that use the words “black” and “cold” a lot, and taking out our rage on our eye makeup.” All three of them laughed out loud, a jumble of three giddy kids holding on tight. 

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Keith untangled himself from his friends’ limbs and went to open the door. Staring him in the face was a panicked Coran. 

“Keith, Lance woke up right as he was about enter stasis. We need you to calm him down - now.”


	7. Destiny

Or: Lance would face his destiny. Just not now.

He woke up alone.

Lance blinked hard in the bright light, slowly sitting up. As he rubbed his eyes and looked around, his fuzzy, white surroundings settled into the castle of lions. He was lying on the floor of the healing pod bay. If he was here, had the whole battle been a dream? Where were the others?

He twisted his body to look around. A sharp, burning pain ripped across his chest and he gasped. Lance looked down at the pristine bandages and gulped. Just what had that cannon done to him? What had it done to Black?

With trembling fingers, Lance gently prodded at his upper body, feeling for the injury sites. He winced when his thumb hit his collarbone, and did so again and again as his hands roamed his chest. Then he touched his right shoulder and felt… nothing. His stomach dropped and suddenly the bandages were squeezing too tight and he had to get them off. He tore the wrappings off his shoulder and nearly fainted at what he saw.

His shoulder was unnaturally pale, and the skin on it was tough and leathery. Lance silently prayed that the bandages had been the problem and gently prodded his shoulder.

Nothing.

He prodded harder.

Nothing.

Lance jabbed a fingernail into his shoulder.

Nothing. No pain, no sensation.

Lance tried to move his shoulder, and found he couldn’t.

The world suddenly seemed fuzzy again. Lance hugged himself as he tried to control his breathing and racing, spiralling thoughts.

The nerves in his shoulder were surely destroyed. If he couldn’t use his shoulder, how could he pilot a lion? How could he lead Voltron? How could be anything to the team except a waste of space and oxygen? He’d failed them. He’d tried so hard and now they didn’t have a leader. His limbs felt too heavy. He couldn’t do anything except sit there and ride the waves of panic and despair, shaking like a leaf in a thunderstorm.

“Lance, you’re awake! Oh my, are you alright?” Lance looked up. Coran’s kind blue eyes stared back at him. Lance tore his gaze away, shame crawling up his throat. Why did Coran have to see him like this? Coran put an arm on his left shoulder, the one that still had feeling, and spoke gently.

“Lance, I’m afraid you can’t stay awake for long. We have to fix up that shoulder of yours, and those burns on your chest.” Burns? Right, the laser. The laser that had punched through the cockpit. Lance had a horrible thought.

“Coran, where’s the Black Lion?” he asked, trying to keep his voice level. Coran sighed.

“We took her back to her hangar, and we’re still trying to determine how to, er, patch her up. We believe that the blast missed the main computers, but she’ll need time and plenty of care to be in fighting shape again.” Lance stared at his shoes. He’d damaged the Black Lion, perhaps irreparably. They couldn’t form Voltron because of him. Keith was right: Lance had screwed up royally, and he’d only been leader for a few quintants at the most. Lance’s vision blurred and he buried his face in his knees as the tears began. Coran’s grip on his shoulder tightened.

“Lance? Lance, its alright. You’re safe now. We will get you and Black sorted out.” Coran’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What you did was incredibly heroic. Keith is alive because of you.” Lance shrugged Coran’s hand off and tangled his fingers in his hair. Coran’s fingers pulled at his own, trying to detangle him, but Lance resisted. Coran pressed on.

“Lance, please talk to me.” Why was Coran being so nice? He hardly deserved it. He vaguely heard Coran try to speak to him a couple more times, but his voice sounded muffled, as if Lance’s head was underwater. Then he felt Coran stand up, and listened to the sound of retreating footsteps. So Coran had given up. Fair enough. Lance took deep, laboured breaths in between the sobs that shook his frame. Hopefully Coran would be back and put him to sleep soon. He couldn’t face the reality of his failure. Or his team.

After several minutes, Lance heard Coran’s voice again, echoing off the castle walls.

“I tried, but I can’t console him.”

“Why? Why does he need me?” asked another voice. Lance’s head snapped up. He knew that voice.

“I just had a hunch. He saved your life - maybe seeing you in one piece will make him feel better.” As the voices and footsteps drew closer, Lance buried his head back in his lap. He couldn’t face Keith. He couldn’t look him in the eyes and say that he still deserved to be leader. What was Coran thinking?

The footsteps reached him and stopped. Lance heard the fabric of Keith’s pants rustle as Keith took a seat on his left. Coran left alone, footsteps retreating behind Lance. There were a couple minutes of silence. Lance tried to quell the shuddering of his shoulders and prayed that Keith would go away. Of course, he didn’t.

“Hey Lance. How’s it going?” Lance didn’t dare look up. Keith gently bumped Lance’s shoulder with his own. “If you don’t wanna talk, that’s, uh, that’s fine. I just wanted to say thank you. You threw yourself in front of a laser cannon to save me. I owe you my life.” Lance shrugged.

“No biggie,” he croaked.

“Um, yes biggie. You could have died, Lance. Your upper body is covered in bandages. You scared me half to death.” Keith sounded like his mother whenever she scolded him for falling out of a tree: irate, yet concerned. Lance slowly tilted his head to look up at Keith. Keith’s eyebrows were all scrunched up, and his dark eyes shone with frustration. Lance couldn’t understand it. Anger flared in his chest.

“So, let me get this straight. A little while ago, you hated my guts. You thought I was a total idiot. You thought I wasn’t good enough to be leader - guess you were right on that one.” Keith opened his mouth to interrupt, but the floodgates had been opened. “You said I might get someone hurt on this mission, and congrats! You were right. Black is practically destroyed. My shoulder is useless. You could have been fried. You were right, I’m completely useless. So why are you here?” Keith sputtered and his eyes widened in shock.

“Whoa, Lance. I was - I was a jerk, okay? I’m sorry I said those things.” Lance shook his head. Quiznak, the tears were starting up again.

“No, you were right. I’m not a leader. I never was. I probably won’t even get to fly ever again.” Lance’s voice broke on the last word, and he hid in his hands. He didn’t want Keith watching him. He didn’t want his doubts and insecurities laid out in front of someone who didn’t care.

“Lance, buddy. Could you look at me?” Lance shook his head. Keith huffed. “Fine. Can you at least listen to me?” Lance considered the question. Yes, he supposed he could do that. He nodded. Keith took a deep breath. “Okay, Lance, here’s the thing. You’re not a Shiro replacement. I don’t think anybody could replace him.” Lance scoffed.

“What, not you?”

“No, not me. Hell no. Like I said, Shiro’s irreplaceable, right?” Lance nodded.

“Right.” Where was Keith going with this?

Keith continued. “Lance, would you say that we could just go find another Pidge? Or another Hunk? Or another Allura or Coran?”

“No, ‘course not.” What. Was. Keith. Getting. At.

“Believe it or not, Lance, same thing applies to you. But you act like you can be replaced, like there’s a fucking Lance McClain store on every planet. And there isn’t.” Lance groaned.

“So that’s why you’re here? To give me a pat on the back, tell me I’m special, and leave?” Keith growled in frustration.

“No! I’m here because my teammate almost died saving my careless ass, and I want to make sure he’s alright! I’m not good at this whole comfort thing, okay? Frankly, I’m not sure why Coran picked me to help you feel better, because I seem to be wrong no matter what I do! Would it help if I told you that we all thought you were dead and collectively lost it? Would it help if I told you that Hunk, Pidge and I just had a giant feelings fest about you? How about if I told you about how I had to take you back to the ship and cried the entire time because I thought you might not make it?” Keith leaned into Lance ever so slightly. His hand gripped Lance’s knee. “Look, Lance, Coran can’t put you under until you’ve relaxed. You can’t start healing until you’ve gone under. I want you to fly again. We all do. So please just go in.”

What? Lance could understand the others feeling slightly concerned about him, but “Feelings fest”? Keith crying over him of all people? It made zero sense. Nothing about this did. But somehow he didn’t mind so much anymore. He ventured another glance at Keith through his fingers. Keith looked all strung out, in a way that Lance hadn’t noticed before. His eyes were bloodshot and his the corners of his mouth drawn down. Lance lifted his head and wiped the tears away from his cheek.

“You really think I could fly again?” Keith shrugged.

“Coran says so. Even if you don’t get full range of your shoulder back, you’ll be piloting Black again in no time. Well, as soon as she gets fixed up.”

“And in the meantime?” A tiny string of hope was tugging on his heart, just a bit. Keith shrugged again and gave Lance one of his barely-there smiles.

“In the meantime, you’re still our leader. You get to do strategy stuff, and run drills, and be all diplomatic. We need that right now, and we need you to do it.” Lance seriously wanted to hug him. Hugs always made things better, and Keith was here, and he was being so... kind. 

“Keith, can I hug you?” Keith seemed slightly taken aback by the question, but nodded stiffly. Lance rested his head on Keith’s shoulder (as he’d imagined many times before) and wrapped an arm around his torso. Keith stayed frozen for a minute, and Lance started to wonder if he was alright. Lance was about to back off when he felt an arm slowly wrap around him and a strong hand grip his arm. Lance couldn’t hold back a slight smile. He relaxed into Keith’s touch, and after a moment, Keith’s rigid posture relaxed too.

“You know, you’re better at ‘this whole comfort thing’ than you think.” Lance couldn’t see Keith’s face, but he could tell Keith was rolling his eyes.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re certainly better than me. Last time I tried to help you, I stole your chances at leadership.” Keith’s hand gently rubbed his arm. It was incredibly comforting.

“That wasn’t your fault. Black wanted you in the first place, and I was a stubborn jerk.” The quiet apologies and warm touch acted like a soothing balm. Lance snuggled into Keith's side.

“I’m sorry I made everyone worry.” Keith shook his head.

“Nah, it’s fine. We’re just glad you’re alive.” After several minutes of peaceful silence, Lance looked up at him.

“Hey Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we having a bonding moment?” Keith chuckled and pinched Lance in the arm, making him yelp. “Hey!”

“Looks that way. Since your brain isn’t as out to lunch as it was last time, is it helping?” Lance hummed contentedly. Keith was surprisingly warm, and Lance felt secure. The feelings he’d been pushing down for weeks, the ones he swore he would never let anyone see, were bubbling to the surface. There was no avoiding them anymore. Lance promised himself he’d deal with them, with Keith.

But not now. Because Keith was right. He needed to heal up. He’d get better now, and confront his destiny later. Lance sat up, gently lifting Keith’s arm off of him.

“Keith, could you get Coran. I’m all calmed down now.” Keith gave him a relieved smile and stood up to walk away, but Lance caught his ankle. “After I’m out, though, I need to talk to you about stuff. Is that cool?” Keith raised an eyebrow curiously.

“I guess. Will it involve more hugging?” Lance’s stomach flip-flopped.

“Uh, maybe. That cool?” Keith’s eyes softened, almost indiscernibly.

“Yeah, Lance. That’s cool.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Constructive criticism is always welcome, as I am always learning.
> 
> Tumblr: https://cwritesstuff.tumblr.com/


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